Boozy Tuesdays: Industry City Distillery

Posted in Boozy Tuesdays by SnoopK8

Hey Y’all!*

This week, in the interest of science, I left my apartment on a Saturday and trekked ALL THE WAY to Brooklyn to tour a vodka distillery. (Of course the only thing that could get me out of my borough on a weekend is the promise of alcohol.)

It was pretty interesting, I guess. I was excited to learn that there is a point where alcohol can’t get any stronger through distillation. Or something. Science isn’t my strong point. In case you’re wondering, it’s around 191.2 proof, or roughly my BAC Monday morning after the Mets lost.

In addition to learning about fermentation and chemistry, you get to taste the vodka, which tastes like…vodka. They also make gin and limoncello and you can buy a handful of delicious cocktails and some snacks (empanadas, mostly. I didn’t try them). You can also buy stuff to make your own limoncello, although why you’d wanna do that when you can just order from Drizly, is beyond me. But hey, maybe you’re not as lazy as I am.

In any event, even though I am more of a wine person who only occasionally dips into hard liquor (at open-bar events, natch), Industry City Distillery was a fun way to kill a Saturday afternoon. (And possibly, some brain cells.)

*I just finished watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix and I’ve been channeling my inner Mrs. Coach Taylor.

Boozing in BK

I’ll drink to that!

Pink drinks are the best drinks!

Distill my heart!

Every distillery needs an adorable kitteh

A drink with a view

2Nov2015

Son of Manus Mondays: Strolling on the River

Posted in Son of Manus Mondays by SnoopK8

There are 8 million people in the naked city and every single one of them is in my way. Between the Christmas tourists lollygagging along Sixth Avenue like it was ribbon night at the State Fair and the packs of Bosnian refugees hijacking my subway in their frenzy to see the “The Gates,” I’m surprised I haven’t found myself a bell tower and a rifle yet. The good news is, Christmas is gone for another nine months, and the Christos have gone back to violating European cities with their saffron bedsheets of Satan.

However. I live on the Upper West Side and that means one thing: strollers. Everywhere. On the sidewalks. At Filene’s Basement. In the grocery store. Have you been to a grocery store in New York? It’s hard enough to carry a can of soup down the aisle without having to turn sideways; trying to get by when there’s a stroller THE SIZE OF A HUMMER in the way, with the mom standing there yapping on her cell phone, oblivious to the fact I need to get by so I can go home and eat my soup so my low blood sugar doesn’t cause me to BEAT TO HER TO DEATH, is virtually impossible.

And the strollers are not only gigantic, they are more pimped-out than anything you’d see on Monster Garage. I’m schlepping my stuff around in a tote bag like a jerk, while the stroller jockeys are strapping lumber from Home Depot onto their roof racks.

Thaaaaat's what I'm talkin' about. (Photo Credit: / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND)

Thaaaaaat’s what I’m talkin’ about! (photo: Foter/CC BY-NC-ND)

I haven’t even gotten to the part where stroller = high probability of screaming baby, although with all the groceries, dry cleaning, furniture from Pottery Barn, there’s no room for a baby. I saw a woman carrying her baby in a kangaroo pouch while pushing a plasma TV in a stroller the other day.

When did this happen? I don’t even remember having a stroller when I was a kid. My parents stuck me in a cardboard box and dragged me along behind them with a length of clothesline. I think I turned out fine.

So yeah. Maybe a little bitter, but bitter adds dimension, right? We can’t ALL be Oprah.

In any case, I hope you enjoyed this trip back in time. I will be posting some old shit every week (and some new shit tomorrow), so come back soon!

xoxo,
SnoopK8

What is this? Back in the day, I had a blog. It’s long been abandoned, but I think the world deserves to hear my wisdom anew. This was one of my first posts and I believe the message is still relevant for 2015. (Click here for the original post.) I was also a lot crankier back then, so if you have a moment, why not go back in time and give 2005 Kate a hug.

28Oct2015

People in my Facebook Feed*

Posted in Random Musings by SnoopK8

*Ok, maybe not MY FB feed because all my friends are normal and I love them.**

(**I’ve hidden them.)

Grim Reaper

Posts “RIP” about every famous or semi-famous person’s death five seconds after it happens. Not just A-list celebrities like your Michael Jacksons or Robin Williamses, but your Maureen O’Haras and your Andy Griffiths and all those other people you never heard of/thought had died in the 80s.

Going through a Breakup

Posts at least one pic a day of a wind-swept tree branch imprinted with a quote about how men are jerks. Sometimes there’s also a sunset.

Inspirational Quoter

Didn’t Maya Angelou ever shut the fuck up? And who the hell is Rumi?

Munchausen by Facebook Syndrome

If it’s Tuesday, she must be getting an experimental treatment for her rare mitochondrial disease or having a kidney removed. (How does she even have any organs left?)

Local Socialite

Posts selfies wearing a large fancy hat to Saratoga Racetrack even though she’s sitting at a picnic table in the Grandstand with a cooler of Coors Light.

LOVE ME

Desperately tags myriad people in her multiple daily status updates in hopes of getting one “like.”

Exhausting

1: Bemoans lack of job, girlfriend and friends for six months. 2: Inexplicably finds girlfriend. 3: Posts every day that he loves her more than anyone ever. 4: Breaks up three weeks later. 5: Starts over.

European Dude

The guy I met in Germany who posts in German so I can’t adequately judge him.

The Friend Who Wishes She Were Irish

Posts a lot of Guinness pics. Thinks every day should be St. Patrick’s Day! Slàinte!

Ex-Boyfriend Who Got Married Recently

She’s fat.

Hashtag Activist

Writes heartfelt post imploring bloodthirsty lunatics to #BringBackOurGirls but thinks Boko Haram is a bespoke denim company from Bushwick.

Depraved Dr. Dolittle

Why post pics of cute fluffy animals with all their limbs when you can post pics of one-eyed cats and three-legged dogs with oozing burn marks from the disfiguring fire they were rescued from?

Crossfit Caveman

We get it. You like to throw around monster-truck tires for fun and eat raw meat directly from the cow’s still-warm carcass. Go away and let the rest of us enjoy our gluten in peace.

28Oct2015

Boozy Tuesdays: Introduction

Posted in Boozy Tuesdays by SnoopK8

Liquor? I don’t even know ‘er!

Welcome!

I’ve been thinking about taking on a writing project for a while, but when I sat down to contemplate what knowledge I could impart to the world, I drew a blank and began crying into my Malbec. At that moment, I realized the answer was right in front of me! What am I an expert on? Booze! Well, not like how to make it or what the best kind is or anything, but I know how to drink it. And I know the culture. From bar etiquette to historical facts to hangover remedies*, this is my calling.

What are my qualifications? Well, I won’t cite my Irish roots because that’s too easy and too obvious. Let’s blame it on growing up in the 70s and 80s in upstate New York, when the drinking age was 18 (at least until 1985, thanks, Mario Cuomo) and people weren’t as psychotic about their health as they are today. I’m not saying excessive drinking is an ideal life choice, but let’s concede there is a middle ground between the dude sleeping in a puddle of Popov on Ninth Avenue and the Crossfit scolds in your office who joylessly sip quinoa smoothies and give you the side-eye at happy hour because beer isn’t Paleo.

For some of us, booze is something to be enjoyed at a level just slightly above moderation – somewhere between feeling happy and falling out of a cab, not that I have any experience in the latter, no siree. Anyway, I have a lot to say on the subject and I look forward to sharing my insights with you in the coming weeks.

Until then, enjoy this classic Larry Miller video about the Five Levels of Drinking:

Do you have any good drinking stories? Share in the comments.

As always, thanks for reading and have a great day!

xoxo,
SnoopK8

*Yeah, there is no remedy for a hangover. Any claim to the contrary is bullshit. (Although Revive Vitamin Water and saltines can certainly help.)